Man vs. Food is a very popular show on the Travel Channel where host Adam Richman goes around from place to place trying food competitions. Sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses. I’ve become fascinated with the show. A friend actually introduced it to me a while ago and its always on the Netflix queue.
While not advertised all over Wichita, there are some food challenges around Wichita that challenge your total food intake talents or your pallet for spicy foods. I think it’d be cool to complete a real food challenge. Its at the lower end of my bucket list. Buffalo Wild Wings Wing Challenge does not count.
One of my friends turned me to Mr. Kapow’s. Its an Asian restaurant. Located at:
4734 S. Broadway
Wichita KS, 67216
They have a Wing Challenge there. Eat 12 traditional DragonFire wings in 6 minutes or less. Wings must be completely eaten, no sauce or meat can be left on the bone or plate. No other food or drink during the challenge or for five minutes after.
They even have you sign a waiver form (as many restaurants with challenges do).
 |
| Will this even hold up in court? |
I had this bright idea to grab seven of my friends to join me in this little adventure. If I was going to go down, I was going to take some friends down with me. Plus whats better than watching a friend miserably eat some hot wings? Watching multiple friends miserably eat some hot wings! Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing much watching during the challenge.
So we arrive at the challenge. We called the owners ahead of time to let them know of our arrival. Sit at our seats, sign our waivers, wait for the food, (by the way, they have a gong. If you are ready to quit the challenge and don’t want to go on, you hit the gong.)
 |
| My survival kit |
Food comes out. Honestly, this is not for dramatization of the story, but when they opened the doors to the kitchen, we could smell the wings. The owner goes through the rules, pulls out the timer and we are off.
One of the participants takes no more than one bite of the wing and he’s OUT! Another ate just one wing, he’s OUT!
 |
| If these wings were a movie, it’d be called “Death Becomes Her” |
I had a plan going into this challenge. A gameplan that I thought would be fool proof. 1.) Before each wing, I would wipe as much sauce off with my hands and deal with it later. 2.) Block out all the noise and totally focus on the wings. 3.) Eat as fast as I can. If I can focus on all of these three bulletpoints, I think this could be the easiest wing challenge ever. LETS DO THIS!
I put the first wing down. Boom! Second wing down….easy peasy! Third wing, the pain is starting to come in. Between the third and fourth wing, I heard one of the participant’s daughters say, “Mommy, I think Eddy is crying.”
Really? That’s news to me. I might have been but I wouldn’t know. My face was numb, I couldn’t feel any tears coming down my face. For a small six minute span, I officially could say my face was as numb as Joan Rivers post 49 plastic surgeries and botox. So back to the wing challenge. I had just finished my third and started on my fourth. Took me a little longer for it to go down.
I’m pretty sure around this time, two other competitors quit. I think that because I heard the gong go off a couple more times. It was either that or my stomach making those noises. After my fourth wing, I’m still blocking out that noise. EXCEPT for the person to the left of me who was hiccuping like it was going out of style AND the person to the right of me who was making dry-heaving noises. So yeah, those two noises were too hard to block out. I was so focused on those noises, I stopped eating and listened wondering what was going to happen next.
During this time, my mouth officially caught on fire. If I was a cartoon, smoke would be coming out of my ears. Then my hands went numb and shaking. I literally could not even hold a wing or move my fingers. It felt like I was being electrocuted. I tried to grab somebody’s waters but my fingers wouldn’t open up; they were clamped shut. It was the oddest feeling. So I had to hold the cup of water up with my wrists to drink.
I was done. I wanted to kick the bong because my hands were still shaking from the wings, I couldn’t hold the stick. At this point, I was in immense pain. I went over to the soda fountain and pounded away Sierra Mist. Milk was offered and I think I would have preferred stomach cramps from the lactose over the pain I was going through. I was sweating and could finally feel tears falling from the eyes, This was not in a good situation. Had there been a bottle of ketchup and mustard, I would have slammed them down on the table to squirt out as much ketchup and mustard in the air to catch with my mouth like the scene in Dumb and Dumber.
One of the participants who quit after one, washed his hands, came back out, rubbed his eye………. he didn’t wash his hands well because his eye started swelling up.
In the end, the other three participants left quit after 7-8 wings. One would end up throwing up an hour after the competition.
So we went 0-8 as a group. Then had to pay like $20 for the wing challenge. A little pricey for a 12 wing challenge. And to add insult to injury, nobody was right for the next few days. I’m talking headaches, diarrhea, cramps, you name it.
Months later, Mr. Kapows contacted me to come back to participate in a charity wing eating contest. Proceeds went to AGI (Alternative Gift International) which is a global humanitarian organization. Cash prizes went toe the three best eaters. Unfortunately I had to decline. I already knew what ones body would go through and promised my body I would never put it through that much pain again. I had never experienced anything like that and don’t plan to in the near future.
What’s the hottest food in Wichita you’ve ever eaten? Comment away!
