Given my age, one would think I should be smarter than what some of my actions show. I say that because I like to eat. It’s a hobby of mine but some of the “food decisions” I’ve made in the past don’t always say, “Hey Eddy, you’re a pretty smart person. You’re wise beyond your years.”
But on the flipside, the stories I’m about to share could probably give me some credibility on why I could be taken seriously as a food critic. I’m willing to eat anything. I’ll try anything at least once. If that show Fear Factor was taking place in Wichita, I’m pretty sure I’d win that competition if it had to do with eating random stuff.
I’ve titled this blog, “Top 5 Worst Food Decisions I’ve Made” because I’m about to share with you all what I consider to be the Top 5 worst food decisions I’ve ever made in my history of eating. Nearly all of them are recent within the past decade because given my age, I’ve forgotten everything since I graduated college.
So without further ado let the list begin with NUMBER 5!
5.) It was hard to come up with a solid fifth one. So without sharing any stories, I’ll just list a few that tied for fifth. 20 Chicken McNuggets in 5 minutes/An Entire Jar of Peanuts in One Sitting/A Plate of Gristle/Eating Little Caesar’s every day for a Week.
All of those stories are just equally as bad. Maybe one day I’ll go in depth on those.
4.) Beignets. Check the blog out here. Pretty sure I still have mouth burns from this. I’m pretty sure I still have nightmares about these things. If there was a horror movie called “I Know What Beignets Did Last Summer” I would probably have to watch it in broad daylight with someone holding me.
3.) Its no secret I’m lactose intolerant. Certain dairy products do bother me like say a block of cheese. Two of my friends were hosting a wine and cheese party. I get there and it’s literally just wine and just cheese. I stuck to only the wine. There were all sorts of cheese there, nothing appealing though. I totally stayed away. BUT as friends who like to be bad influences go, they would try to peer pressure me into eating a block of cheese. I laughed and passed. They pulled out a $50 bill in exchange. So I had this mental conversation in my mind that went like this:
Eddy: What do you think brain? $50 to eat a block of cheese?
Eddy’s Brain: Why not? It’s $50 JUST for eating a block of cheese. Why pass that up?
Eddy: Well the physical pain later may not be worth the $50.
Eddy’s Brain: Eddy, Pain is just a mental thing. I’ll be able to deal with it.
Eddy: You sure? Because I’m going to go ahead and do this if you agree. It’s a lot of cheese so that will equal a lot of pain.
Eddy’s Brain: Yes I’m sure. It’s $50, go buy us something nice like one of those cool Sudoku books to help me work out.
Eddy’s Stomach: Wait a moment! Pump the brakes!!! NO! NO! NO! Do I not have a say in this?
Eddy and Eddy’s Brain: Sorry Stomach. It is what it is.
So I went ahead and ate the block of cheese for $50 that my friends pooled together. I left the party probably 15-20 minutes after.
2.) Mr. Kapow’s Wing Challenge. I wrote an entire blog about this that you can check out here. It was not one of my finer moments in eating history. I paid the price for multiple days after. The only reason this did not reach number one was because I was able to find many other friends as gullible as me to think we could actually complete this challenge.
1.) I’m an avid fan of deviled eggs. If they are within reaching distance, I’ll eat one. Probably the worst food decision I’ve made was a night in Gaylesburg, Kansas. This was after a golf tournament and after a night of visiting some local drinking establishments. We stopped by around 2, 2:30 am at a small gas station that doesn’t have a popular name like QuikTrip, Shell or 7/11. A group of friends and I wanted to stop by and pick up some food to munch on like a sandwich, burrito, chips, whatever before heading back to the hotel. I’m looking around for a hot pocket and “it” catches my eye. A 3 pack of Deviled Eggs. It may have been the sleepiness talking but I really think the Deviled Eggs were talking to me. “Buy Me, Eddy. Buy Me Now!” I reached down to pick up the package, the last one left of its kind. There’s this sticker on it. Lo and behold it says, “CLEARANCE!” What was $1.49 originally was now only 49 cents! To the normal person this may be a red alert for don’t buy but for me it was “~17 cents per deviled egg. How can you pass up this great deal”? So what do I do? I buy them and eat them. Things didn’t go well the next day.
So there you have it folks. Some insight in the eating life that is me. I was thinking about doing a 5 Best Moments in my Eating Life but that just didn’t seem to have the same zing to it.
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