The best drunk food-related purchase I ever made

It was a late weekday evening somewhere around 2005. It has been so long I already can’t pinpoint the exact year.

My friends and I decided to spend most of our evening at The Chalet. After the bar closed, the nearest place to get food was the Walmart at 29th and Rock Road. I remember walking up and down the aisles trying to decide what I wanted to cure my late night drunken hunger.

Then a magical being appeared in front of me. It was a display of nostalgia hot dog rollers for the Everyday Low Price of $39.99. The roller looked so cool. With the ability to roll eight dogs at once AND warm buns in the upper canopy, my mind was blown! It may have been the Jägermeister talking but that sounded like quite the steal! I grabbed the box, found some hot dogs, buns and made my way home.

Everything that happened after was kind of blurry but I used it the next morning for breakfast. Maybe it was the hangover needing crappy food but the hot dogs were amazing. I remember telling myself, “Eddy, maybe you should drop everything, purchase a food cart and go around different neighborhoods selling hot dogs.” Remember this was all before the advent of the modern day food truck scene.

The months and years after purchasing the hot dog roller, it made its way to numerous parties. From birthdays to Super Bowls to Shocker watch parties to friendly gatherings, the hot dog roller was a staple at many events. Since I don’t really cook, most potlucks I attended consisted of the red roller, a bunch of hot dogs, buns and condiments galore. It was such a big hit among friends. Many of them would tell me, “That’s the best hot dog I’ve ever had!”. They were either blowing smoke up my ass, the liquor was doing the talking or it was indeed fact! I still tell myself to this day it was the latter.

Over the years, it’s made appearances at 50+ events. Since then, the roller has shown some age. I lost the yellow canopy that doubled as a bun warmer and rust has made its way to the roller like wrinkles on a forehead.

After all this time, the roller still works but hasn’t made a showing in a couple or years. Perhaps at my daughter’s first birthday, the roller will be back.

All I know is the nostalgia hot dog roller is the best drunk food-related purchase I ever made. And for $39.99, I definitely got my money’s worth out of it.

Happy Dining,

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