As a blogger who started solely eating everywhere in town, it’s been my goal to leave no stone unturned. I’ve done gas station sushi, tamales off the side of the road from someone’s pickup truck, elote from a flea market, and more. I heard a store called Patricia’s had some things on sale that were edible, so I stopped by.
If you’ve never heard of Patricia’s they are an adult gift shop where fun and fantasy meet. Upon walking inside, I was so happy to see I was the only person in there. Not because I want the business to be slow or fail, but because I would rather not run into anybody that would make for an awkward moment, like my grade school librarian or boss. I could only imagine how that conversation would go:
Librarian: “Oh hi, Eddy! I haven’t seen you since you were 11 years old. Fancy seeing you here!”
Me: “Likewise! Any chance you know where the edible goods are here? I forgot how the Dewey Decimal System works.”
Librarian: “I don’t. Do you have any recommendations on good movies here?”
Anyway, I found a store employee and asked where the edible goods were. She told me, they sold out of most of the inventory due to people buying Dirty Santa gifts. She pointed me towards a section where all they had left were candy g-strings and candy bras. All the apparel made out of fruit roll-ups were gone. Not knowing what else to say, I too said I needed a Dirty Santa gift and picked up the candy bra, which was $12.99. I couldn’t bring myself to get the g-string; just just just couldn’t.
I stepped outside with my candy bra to review, looked into the heavens and hoped my grandmother wasn’t looking down on me, and got into my car.
So, how was the candy bra? If you like smarties, you’ll love it. There had to have been hundreds of smarties on the strings. I’m not a huge smarties person, so this wasn’t necessarily my cup of tea, nor was it my cup size.
On the bright side, the candy bra was only 35 calories; granted, there were 28 servings per container.
Strictly speaking about food, part of me thinks I could have had the same satisfaction buying some string and a big bag of smarties, but I was definitely paying for the finished product of a candy bra. If I get invited to be a part of a Dirty Santa gift exchange, I’m bringing a tenth-eaten Candy Bra from Patricia’s. You’ve been warned.
Now back to your regularly scheduled content….
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